For the Best Person I ever Knew!!

In Memory:
~~Mathew Hayes~~
Jan 15, 82 - July 2, 02

Matt,
You were more than just a very awsum brother to me... you were one of my best friends. No, you were, during my younger years, my only friend. The only one I knew would always be there for me. The only one that would try and include me in everything you did. The one that would always talk to me, and acted like I was older than I really was. That was the best thing anyone has ever done. You were the best. You were my brother, and no matter what, there's no one that can take the place you had in my heart. It's still there... I know you know that... but so many times I'm tempted to not believe that you are here... that you care. I miss you so much. I miss your love, I miss your talks, I miss you like crazy.
Wish I could go back. Wish I could take it all away. I wish I had been a better sister for you, helped you more, when you were going through things. Who knows that it would have changed. You were the best.
Thanks for all the good times. Thanks for everything. Thanks for making me part of who I am today. The part that knows she can't give up. I know you always cared... Sorry I wasn't a bigger help to you. When the day comes when I see you..... I can't wait..... I love you...



Hot tears burning down my cheeks.
One after another to form a pool below.

All for you Matt,
Only you.

The light of a thousand shimmering candles.
The smoke of a thousand haunting memories.
A wisp so faintly billowing,
Yet smell the scent of so many fears.

The cry of my heart Matt,
Always for you.

No words to discribe just how I feel.
A life time yet without your presence.
How much more time, Matt?
I'll wait.... I miss you


To My Bro Matt
I'm not that good at rhyming, but this is just to let you know, that I really do love you, Matt, thought I never really let it show.
I often wonder what it's like up there, what it is you're doing, and if you miss those whom you left in your leaving.
You seem so far from me, though I know it's not true, for you promised you'd never leave me, though at times that's not the way it seems.
I don't really know what to say, for I'm not to good at words, but right now I feel like crying. Will I ever see your face again?
Can you see me Matt or is it just part of the wish I made the day we parted ways?
I doubt this wish of mine will ever come true so I'll just let you in on it since it's always about you. If I could have one wish it would be for you to be here so I can see and feel you, just to know you are real. To never again let you out of my sight, and always stick up for you even though I know it's not right.
But I wouldn't care about right or wrong or anything else for that matter because I'd have you. But would I want you back here with me? I remember so much pain. Would you still be the same? Would I still see your look of sadness? Dismay?
Maybe if I just not think about that it'll all go away, But I wouldn't want you back if it'll be that all again, for I couldn't bear all the times I saw you look that way.
I guess since this will never happen it'll continue to be a dream. But can't you at least plead with God to let you come down here with me?
To me you were the best person on earth, sure you made mistakes, but I loved you more than my life itself.
It hurt me Matt, when I found about it all. You had always been there for me, helped me and told me what to do, but me.. I wasn't even there for you.
You were always strong and when you told me your problems it made me look up to you even if you thought I was dumb.
I'm sorry for not being there when you needed someone the most. I'm sorry I didn't call you that night like I knew I should. Would it have made a difference? Would it have changed your mind?
Somehow I doubt it would.... what were u thinking? Was it me? I'm sorry bro, I never knew things would turn out this way, and if what happened was my fault in any way.. I'm sorry.
I'm sorry I wasn't the best sister you had, but I'm glad I was your sis. I don't know what God was thinking by making me but I'm glad He made you my bro.
I guess you already know that you mean the world to me.... I can't think about any of this without sobbing.... but I love you... Always... Happy 4th Anniversary bro!




I'm Sorry....

I'm sorry for all the times I left you,
I'm sorry for all the times I hurt you,
I'm sorry for all the times I made fun of you,
I'm sorry for all the times I lied.

I'm sorry for all the times I didn't care about you,
I'm sorry for all the times I wasn't there for you,
I'm sofrry for all the times I disappointed you,
I'm sorry for all the times I made you cry.

I'm sorry for all the times I spoke bad about you,
I'm sorry for all the times I was mean,
I'm sorry for all the times I was cruel to you,
I'm sorry for all the times I bitched at you.

I'm sorry for all the times I got mad at you,
I'm sorry for all the times I forgot about you,
I'm sorry for all the times I ignored you,
I'm sorry for all the times I didn't try.

I'm sorry for all the times I didn't call you,
I'm sorry for all the times I didn't hug you,
I'm sorry for all the times I didn't say "I'm sorry",
But most of all I'm sorry for all the times I failed to say "I really love you."



Ps.. this isn't supposed to be poetic words as I'm in no way poetic... just words to my brother of how much I love him.